You may be an engineer ...

You may be an engineer . . .

If buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.

If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife" or husband as "myman@tv.hubby"

If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.

If you want an 64X CD-ROM for Christmas.

If Dilbert is your hero.

If you can name six Star Trek episodes.

If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail.

If your wristwatch has more computing power than a Pentium.

If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.

If you use a CAD package to design your child's Pine Wood Derby car.

If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.

If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.

If you window-shop at Radio Shack.

If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.

If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.

If you have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area.

If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.

If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage-door opener and your camera's flash attachment.

If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is.

If you have modified your can opener to be microprocessor-driven.

If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.

If you have ever taken the back off of your TV just to see what's inside.

If a team of you and your co-workers has set out to modify the antenna of the radio in your work area for better reception.

If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.

If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.

If you wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa).

If you have never backed up your hard drive.

If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.

If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as is."

If you see a good design and still have to change it.

If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind.

If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers but you don't remember where they are.

If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.

If you have more toys than your kids.

If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name.

If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.

If your IQ is bigger than your weight.

If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix them.

If you can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary.

If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already.

If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.

If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal.

If you know how to take the cover off of your computer and what size screw driver to use.

If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.

If you can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.

If people groan at the party when you pick out the music.

If everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.

If you did the sound system for your senior prom.

If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone.

If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers.

If you spend more on your home or laptop computer than your car.

If you know what http:// stands for.

If you know C.

If you've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.

If your three-year-old child asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.

If your four basic food groups are: l. caffeine; 2. fat; 3. sugar; 4.chocolate.

If you can understand sentences with four or more acronyms in them.

If you have automated everything in your house, but none of it meets the National Electrical Code.

If you have ever tried to network your home PC, microwave oven and garage-door opener.

If your spouse keeps tripping over the wire you strung -- temporarily -- three years ago.

If, at a traffic intersection, you try to figure out the synchronization pattern between your car's blinkers or wipers and the others'.

If you can name all the cards in your PC without looking.

If you can cite the latest Intel or Motorola microprocessor generation number such as 80686 or 68060, but can't remember your spouse's birthday.

If you bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday.

If you are better with a Karnaugh map than you are with a street map.

If you have at least one historical computer in your closet.

If you take along a printout of the schedule of your family vacation.

If you always have to explain things by drawing it out on paper or a napkin.

If your computer is down, you don't know what date is it today and miss all meetings too.

If you read through this list completely ... and try to convince yourself not to agree with at least one of them.